The Love For Two Chances
by LazyHop
Summary: I have always felt alone... even when I was alive. No one ever wants me around. Always yelling at me to leave and that they don't need me. That they would be better off without me. Full Summary Inside!
1. The Way Of Ending The First

**_The Love for Two Chances_**

_By: _LazyHop

_**Disclaimer:** _I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters in the manga/anime.

**_Summary:_** I have always felt alone... even when I was alive. No one ever wants me around. Always yelling at me to leave and that they don't need me; that they would be better off without me; that they should have another chance... another chance to live. Yes, I'm the lonesome grim reaper. Who will live an eternity and be alone for an eternity. I've told myself that I accept that, but for some reason the voice in my heart neglects to agree; telling me to yearn for partnership; to yearn for happiness with another. To feel, loved.

_**Chapter One: The Way Of Ending The First**_

****When I was alive and still a child I grew up in Saint Mary's orphanage. Never knowing my parents because I was simply too young. What I heard from the nuns' gossip about my parents was that they were afraid of me. It was unnatural for a child to be born with blue hair and pink eyes. And that my parents were probably afraid that it was the works of the devil so they dropped me off at the orphanage. Being young and naive I actually listened to their words and believed them. I truly believed that I was the devil's child and that I was a sinner no matter what.

The other children in the orphanage soon started to call me the devil's child. Always hurting me emotionally but never physically, no never physically because that would be a sin that god could 'actually' see. Eventually, the sisters of the orphanage started to have that look of hate in their eyes. Even though they never acted on it I could tell that it was there. I lost all confidence in myself and one day completely stopped speaking, never looking people in the eyes, and **always **holding my head down. I felt so alone. Until the day I found her, my first friend.

She was small, skinny to almost the point of death, and had the most beautiful hair I had ever seen. She never talked and never looked at anyone. She was almost exactly like me. Except for one thing, she wasn't human. She was a kitten. A blind, mute, and skinny kitten. I found her outside close to the ditch where I frequently sat. I took her in and was actually aloud to keep her, just as long as I left her outside and never brought her inside. I was so happy that I cried tears! I got everything for her. A cardboard house, two small bowls, even a collar made out of a blue ribbon. And I named her Nya. She was the first thing I ever loved.

I nursed her back to full health and took care of her. I spent hours just playing with her. Then, one day after the other children learned of Nya, they took her from me and threw her over the fence of the orphanage. When she landed she took off running, being blind she didn't know where she was going and never returned to me. I cried and cried while they told me that even the cat knew that I was the devil's child.

Eventually, they went in when it began to rain but I refused and continued to cry. I soon found myself trying to climb the fence to reach the only thing I loved. In some miracle I found myself on the top of the fence and struggling to reach the ground. As soon as I hit the ground I took off searching for Nya. Calling out her name and frantically looking for her. I was going to find her, I had to find her. She was the only thing that mattered to me.

I was to never see Nya alive again I suppose, because when I reached the end of the block I continued running not noticing the red light to the street nor the car that was driving. I ran out into the road with the belief that I was the devils child, feelings of always being alone, and the sorrows of a child who never felt wanted. And on that day I met my death in the form of sorrow, pain, and the longing to be wanted.

On that day I became what I was always destined to be...

The Grim Reaper

**_End of Chapter One_**

**Chapter theme song:**

_**Song:** One Rainy Day  
**Artist**_ _Godsmack  
**Album:**_ _IV _

Well there it is. I know it's not much but it's just a preview to the actual story; to see if anybody actually wants me to continue. In other words I want you to review! Tell me if it sucks, if it's good, if there are any spelling mistakes! (I'm a terrible speller)

Also, if you haven't guessed it for some unknown reason the narrator is Botan.

Please tell me if I should continue!


	2. Slipping Away

_**The Love for Two Chances  
**by:_ LazyHop****

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters in the manga/anime.

**Summary:** I have always felt alone... even when I was alive. No one ever wants me around. Always yelling at me to leave and that they don't need me; that they would be better off without me; that they should have another chance... another chance to live. Yes, I'm the lonesome grim reaper. Who will live an eternity and be alone for an eternity. I've told myself that I accept that, but for some reason the voice in my heart neglects to agree; telling me to yearn for partnership; to yearn for happiness with another. To feel, loved.

_**Chapter Two: Slipping Away **_

It was so cold, so silent, and so... lonely. It was dark and yet I felt like this was the way it always was. I felt as if I had been living this way forever. As if it was natural that I could not see, neither feel, touch, nor be touched be the events occurring around me. I felt as if I already knew what death was like and that I had never truly been alive. That life was simply a fleeting dream that I could grasp at but never hold on to. Perhaps that was why I was not crying when he found me.

He was very handsome and had the most unique voice I had ever heard, just the sound of his voice made me feel hope. He was older then me and much taller in height and maturity. I didn't know at the time but he was going to be one of the few people who would change me immensely. He was going to be my hope for the next year as I grew and learned of the ways of being a grim reaper. His name was Master Kiyoshi.

When Master Kiyoshi found me I was in a mess. I had ascended from life to death in so much pain that I was afraid to open my eyes; afraid that I would see that I was alone even in death. He came and gently placed his hand upon my head and gently stroked my long blue hair, whispering words of reassurance. He did not even know me at the time and yet he treated me as if I was his child. He eventually lulled me to sleep with his soft words and gentle stroking. And for once I slept without nightmares.

When I awoke I felt as if I were truly still alive. I felt as if some of the pain of my life had been lifted from me. As if the troubles of my life had lessened and I could finally take in some of the happiness that comes with life. But fate is cruel, for I was dead and could never actually experience life again. Because fate only grants us one chance or so I thought.

I heard a light tune of what I thought to be a clarinet but as I slowly began to overcome my sleep reddened mind I realized it was actually a beautifully sad slow tune on the flute. The song almost made me open my eyes to see who was able to play such godly music but I decided that if I stirred then the wonderful music would end so I lay with my eyes closed. Slowly the music faded to nothingness and a soft male's voice spoke. "Good morning Botan, I was begging to wonder when you would awake."

At the sound of my name my eyes snapped open to reveal a man with long flowing black hair and deep green eyes holding a small flute. He was smiling and watching me to see what my reactions would be. Every now and then his hair would wave in an impossible breeze that wafted through the closed room. "I understand that this might seem very weird for you but please don't be scarred. I assure you that there is nothing to be afraid of here." He continued to watch me as he spoke. "You might not know this though. Botan you are well ummm dead." He paused expecting me to burst into tears or something else as usually other children would do. Not me though, I knew I was dead and I accepted it. After all if I was alive wouldn't I still feel like I was filled to the brink with pain?

He continued on with a new look of surprise across on his face. "Do to the circumstances of your death King Enma has decided to give you a job that not many can fulfill." He looked into my eyes now a little uneasy about something. "He has offered the job as the Grim Reaper... and says that if you accept this job then you will be working for an eternity as one." He looked away from me and down towards his flute seeming to enjoy the little musical instrument in his grip.

To say that I was confused was far from the truth. I was just a kid! And there was some guy standing there that knew my name, talking about some King, and some type of job. I was so lost not even a hound could find me. Apparently the man noticed this because he sighed and came and sat next to me on the bed that I was once sleeping on. He looked into my eyes as if searching for away to explain his words better to me. He looked away and slowly took a deep breath.

"I know this is hard to understand for a child of your age but please try to. The job, being the grim reaper, is not an easy task it puts strain on the one to carry out the job. You were offered this job because of your past. Since you were filled with sorrow King Enma thought that you would be able to carry out this task already knowing the pains of life and moving on too death." He looked towards me again seeing if I comprehended his words. I slowly nodded showing him that I understood and wished him to continue.

"Also if you accept this job, then you will remain in the spirit realm, that is here," he said expanding his hands out ward to show me what here meant, "Until your job calls for you to retrieve a soul from the living world." He ended bluntly as if it was normal to 'retrieve' a once live human soul. My eyes were slightly widened by the end of his speech.

"You mean that you want me to go and get a dead person's body?" I asked quietly not sure if I understood him or not. I was certainly stupid in his customs and was quite unenthused about having to bring dead bodies to this... place. I never even saw a dead body when I was alive... not even my own dead body!

He looked at me a little shocked by my statement as if he was expecting me to just remain quite like I had. "No, your not going to actually have to carry a dead body back here, just there soul. Hmmmmm, how can I put this?" He looked up at the ceiling I could see his eyes squinting trying to think. "Your," He paused choosing the words to make me understand. "You're bringing there inside selves here. They will look no different from you or me, just that you're not bringing their physical body here." He tried to explain looking down at me only to receive my look of complete confusion.

"How could I bring them here and yet not bring their body?" I was so confused I remember the sisters at the orphanage talking about souls before but I never understood it. How could you be in two places at once? Was he trying to say that I could do that? Or was he saying that the person dead could be in two places at once? Or maybe I had a completely different idea than what he was trying to get across to me.

He sighed and looked down at his flute almost seeming to yearn to play the instrument rather than explain the meaning behind his words. "I'm very sorry but I don't know how else to put it. The only question remaining now is if you except King Enma's offer." He seemed to have a look that screamed of failure on his part for not being able to explain how this job I was offered worked.

I was not really willing to take this... offer I mean after all dead bodies? Not really what my heart yearned for in the job area. But then again if I did except it would fit the way my life was when I was alive, supposable being the devil's child and all. At that thought my heart seemed to ache yes, the devil's child that's right that's the reason why I was offered this job, it had to be. I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears and my mind become slightly blurred. I couldn't help it I had to ask, "So being offered this job does that means that, that I really was the devil's child?" I couldn't hold the tears back the overflowed my eyelids and slid down my cheeks.

I heard a soft gasp and then a deep in take of breath. "No, Botan. You are not the devil's child. You were offered this job because King Enma thinks that you are most suited for this task. Being a grim reaper is considered honorable here in the spirit world. To be asked to carry out such a task is what many spirits would have wished for. To be offered this task you have to be able to put up with much more emotions than others could not deal with. This job is a sign of strength, perhaps not physically but emotionally, yes. You are not the devil's child Botan." He ended with a firm tone in his voice.

I slowly began to dry me tears and looked up at him with puffy red eyes. Searching for any form of lies going through his eyes but all I say was admiration almost as if he was proud of me. I couldn't help the smile that came over my face. For the first time in my life some one told me that they thought me to be strong and able to handle something that took strength. I was truly happy.

He smiled down at me for sometime and then finally asked the question he had been trying to get answer for. "So Botan, do you except this offer King Enma has granted to you?" I continued to smile while I ever so slowly popped my head up and down accepting the offer.

After seeing my motion that clearly said yes a large smile came to his face and he hoped up of he bed. "Good, well I expect that King Enma will want your training to start right away. So, shall we go meet your teacher for your upcoming lessons?" He asked almost too cheerfully while holding out his hand to help me to my feet. After coming out of my stupor, partially, I took his hand and let him pull me up. Then I fully came out of my idiot blank mind form getting a complement.

"Wait, did you just say training?" My eyes got wider. He never said anything about training! For god sake I was just a little girl! I didn't even learn how to do addition or subtraction when I was still alive for god's sake! He didn't expect me to know that, did he?

Sensing my franticness he simple chuckled and patted my head telling me not to worry about it, that it was very simple training and that I would breeze through it. The reassuring calmed me and I became less frantic and let the smile grow across my face again. Maybe, just maybe accepting this offer would turn out to be one of the better parts of my life, if that's what they called being able to think after death. I thought from here on out maybe my 'life' would turn around and I would be able to experience happiness to its fullest extent.

How I wish that thought would have come true like a fairytale, but alas fait is cruel and uncaring. Perhaps if Master Kiyoshi didn't give me that speech I never would of accepted his offer or maybe I might have, but all I know now is that looking back into the past I wished I would have said no. The job I so willingly accepted does require strength. Strength that has slowly been slipping away from me just like the way my life slipped away from as a young child.

**_End of Chapter Two _**

**_Song Suggestion:  
Song:_** What's Going On  
**_Artist:_** A Perfect Circle  
**_Album:_** Emotive

Well unfortunately/fortunately (depends how you look at it) I wasn't very sad while writing this chapter so it didn't come out all that sad (at least that's what I think). So if you want a little bit more of happiness then there you go! Other wise I'm very sorry that I couldn't pull of the melancholy typing I did in the first chapter.

Also as a side note sorry about the late update and not that long of a chapter. I have no one to blame but myself. He he I can be very lazy sometimes. Now my comments to the last reviewers!

_Rose of Death: _You were my first reviewer :) I'm sorry it made you sad but that's what I was kind of aiming for. Sorry again.

_middlekertz: _lol well I'm not taking any crazy pills but I do take sleeping pills, does that count? I'm glad you enjoyed it even though it was so short I hope to continue to work to your liking:)

_kuramalover21: _Thank you! I was hoping that it would be different from other fanfictions! I'll try to continue keeping it different:)

_crazykitsune17: _Yay! I thought that her past might have been a little off but I'm glad that you liked it anyway! The story really isn't a songfic just a suggestion if you like reading while listening to music. If it bugs you to much then just tell me and I won't put it any more :)

_Kieri Norou: _Oh why thank you:) At first I thought perhaps a Hiei paring but the story seems to not be going down that path. lol so I honestly don't know who I'm going to put her with now (if anyone). Some times I think this story has a mind of its own it never comes out the way I first planned.

Well thank you for reading this chapter of **_The Love For Two Chances! _**See you next chapter!


	3. The Beginning of The End of The Second

_**The Love for Two Chances  
**by:_ LazyHop****

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters in the manga/anime.

**Summary:** I have always felt alone... even when I was alive. No one ever wants me around. Always yelling at me to leave and that they don't need me; that they would be better off without me; that they should have another chance... another chance to live. Yes, I'm the lonesome grim reaper. Who will live an eternity and be alone for an eternity. I've told myself that I accept that, but for some reason the voice in my heart neglects to agree; telling me to yearn for partnership; to yearn for happiness with another. To feel, loved.

**_Chapter Three:_**

_**The Beginning of The End of The Second**_

Master Kiyoshi was always there for me through out the training. He was there when I took my first try at summoning the oar, there when I first fell from the oar, and there when I finally mastered the art of oar riding. Master Kiyoshi was like the father I never had in my life. He truly was a blessing for a child like me. That is until the day he left.

It was a very beautiful day the kind of day I use to love. After training I decided to take a quick ride out on my oar. I loved the way the wind use to throw my hair back and caress my skin almost as if it knew that all I wanted to do was be gently consumed in a loving hug.

As I raced through the sky, enjoying the beauty that I had missed from when I was alive, I noticed that at Master Kiyoshi's house (the house I was sharing with him) there was something amiss. I, being the curios child I was, swooped down took look for what was different and landed with the grace of only a young girl could posses. Basically a very loud thump was heard after I landed.

"Well, that was the best landing you have had so far Botan. You are quite improving." Master Kiyoshi cheerfully pronounced through the front doorway of the house."

I smiled towards him only to have it falter. Lying beside him was a couple of suite cases and cardboard boxes. All of them were labeled with an address and his name on them in big black bold letters.

"Are we moving?" I asked with a hint of sadness in my voice. I loved this house I had so many fond memories of learning and living with Master Kiyoshi here.

He looked down at me for awhile with those loving eyes of his and finally sighed, a slow mournful sigh. He bent down onto his knees to look at me eye level. He took another breath as if he was about to speak only to let it out slowly and showed me a sad smile. He seemed so sad; so worn down and not looking his age at all.

"Botan I well…" He looked down at the ground and took another deep breath. "I have to go Botan."

"What do you mean go? Where are we going? How come we have to leaf? I thought that we had to stay here and finishing my training." I all but blurted out in what seemed like mere seconds. I was as confused as to what Master Kiyoshi was trying to get across to me. I just couldn't understand so I blurted out more questions trying to get some grasp on what was happening.

His eyes took on a distant look as he listened to all my questions and then finally just held up his hand and made a shushing sound. I instantly ceased my random questions and waited for what he had to say patiently. He once again looked at me with those sad eyes and shook his head slowly.

"No, Botan you don't understand." He paused and shifted slightly from where he was kneeling not looking me in the eyes. "I am leaving. I've been given a new job assignment that requires me to go and work in the living world." He kept his head and kept that normal soft tone that he kept through out the whole entire time I new him. It didn't even seem as if he struggling to tell me this.

"I get to come with you right? Right? I'm still not done with my training and and…" I started to panic. The only person who ever showed my any type of love and they were leaving. I was ready to start crying. My eyes were brimming with tears and my lungs began to stop functioning.

But all he did was just sit there with his head bowed and the look of helpless brimming of his body. He didn't dare look at me afraid of what he might see. He and I both knew that he had a soft heart and would of given up on moving if he had seen me like that.

"No, you don't get to come with me. And your training has actually been complete for the past couple of weeks. The only reason why I am still here is because I requested that King Enma give me a little bit longer to stay here with you." He whispered. "This is our last little bit of time that we can spend together before I leave."

He slowly raised his head to look at me. Showing me that he meant what he said that he truly was going to leave. I let the tears fall not caring about holding them back anymore. How could Enma be so cruel? I finally found the happiness I was looking for when I was alive and now he is taking it away from me. I was consumed with sorrow causing me to latch on to Master Kiyoshi screaming. Yelling that it wasn't fair and that I wanted to go to. All of it was for nothing, no matter how hard I cried or how loud I screamed there would be no change that would occur.

Master Kiyoshi embraced me in one of those loving hugs that I loved so much and gently swayed back and forth. He knew that I would be upset and like always was prepared for it. He knew how to calm me and help me through things rationally. The swaying motion always did help me calm down and like always never felled this time.

"Botan, you know that I will miss you just as much as you will miss me. No matter what Botan I want you to always remember me and keep me right here." He softly said while pointing straight to my heart. He glanced up towards the sky quickly then looked down at me with soft eyes. "I must leave soon but before I go I must give you one last thing. Since you are done with your training there is something very important you need to have. It's… something you will like." He said with a playful smile.

Slowly he put the palm of his hand against my forehead and murmured a few words. I didn't feel anything at all and looked at him with curiosity.

"What did you do Master Kiyoshi? I don't feel anything happening."

He just smiled and released me from his embrace. Slowly he stood up and finally looked down at me again smiling. Then as if a thought had just occurred to him he bent down swept me into his arms and gave me a hug. He stayed that way for several minutes as I returned his embrace. Then I felt me shirt becoming yet from the area at which his face was resting at, my shoulder. At first I had no clue what was happening then it dawned on me. He was crying. Crying because he had to leave. Crying because he cared for me and didn't want to hurt me like he was forced to do in deliberately. I was astounded, the first time I ever saw Master Kiyoshi cry. I felt so sad, so weak, so helpless. I never wanted to see Master Kiyoshi cry again and I never wanted to let go of him.

Slowly he pulled away from me and sat me back down on the ground. Wiping is tear stained eyes and trying to look the normal man he usually looked like; he looked down at me and gave me sad smile.

"Botan I will never forget you. You have made a difference in my life and I have come to learn what it is like to love someone. You truly are meant to do great things with the people that will come to be around you." He smiled. Then slowly as if not to break me he lightly kissed me on the forehead and said, "You remind me so much of the daughter that I always dreamed about having."

I in tears again, only wanted to see him change his mind and stay to have him as my father. To live like we were living and to enjoy every day like the days before. In complete and utter bliss and content with it.

"I must leave now Botan. King Enma told me to have you report to the castle immediately so you can't start up your mew job." He smiled at me again then slowly turned around and picked up his suite cases. "I will not be able to go with you. I am already late and might just miss my ride to the living world as is. I am very sorry Botan." He turned around and then bent down to hug me one last time.

"I love you Botan. I hope that someday I will get to see my beautiful little girl again." And with that he stood up and walked slowly down the path and into the forest where he turned around suddenly and yelled to me. "The gift I gave you, well let's just say you're going to look a lot more matured and a lot older." Then once again he turned away and diapered into the dark forest.

I won't lye and say that I wasn't crying as I saw him left and I won't deny that I still miss him now. But I think that what he did, leaving, was the best thing he could have done for me. Because a grim reaper is meant to be alone. With no one by them or loving them.

_A Grim Reaper is meant to be forsaken._

_**End of Chapter Three**_

_**Song Suggestion:**_

No suggestion this time.

Alright I'm ready bring out the pitch forks and torches. I'm ready to be stoned, trampled, beaten, anything you can do to me. I deserve it. I'm very sorry for the very late update. But hey what can I say I like to play more then work. Lol ok maybe I should shut up now. Anyway as a nice little upside to the late delay I finally got Microsoft Word reinstalled on my computer! YAY! Not so many miss spelled words any more…. Lol

Well see you next time in Chapter Four: The Way to End The Second!


End file.
